If Only In My Dreams
by with eyes looking up
Summary: And that maybe someday, it wouldn’t just be a dream. Slight SasuSaku. Team Seven flangst. Merry Christmas!


**If Only In My Dreams**

**SasuSaku- if you squint; Team Seven flangst. **

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Sasuke had never hated Christmas. He could never hate the holiday that so many children looked forward to with excitement. He never spited anyone else for leaving him alone- it's not like they knew. They didn't see how it hurt whenever he passed where his family would set up the tree every year.

He hated that whenever he woke up on Christmas mornings, there was no one else to celebrate with- just an empty house. And now, an empty lair. Sure, guards scouted the halls, Kabuto was probably in his lab, Orochimaru was off somewhere most likely having someone monitor his every movement, but it wasn't the same. There had been a point in his life, after being assigned to Team Seven, where everything had been okay. Christmas consisted of the entire team staying at his house over Christmas Eve and waking up to Sakura's Christmas breakfast and colorfully wrapped gifts the next morning.

_I'm dreaming of a place I love,_

_Even more than I usually do._

_And although I know it's a long road back,_

_I promise you…_

He could remember clearly the first year the team had done this. Four hours he argued that it shouldn't be at his house. It was big enough, yeah, but it held too many lingering memories. Too many ghosts of his past still watched him from the shadows, taunting him. Naruto, ever persistent, had finally won and that night, Sasuke found Sakura, Naruto and Kakashi in his living room, setting up a tree. He remained seated on the couch, gazing at the colorfully decorated tree with a burning loathing that he hadn't felt for a long time, especially towards an inanimate object. Naruto had seen his look, and nudged Sakura. She eyed him warily, and then a star was thrust into his hands. He'd looked up, surprised, to see his team grinning down at him.

From then on, it was his privilege to delicately place the star upon the top of the tree.

(And he took pride in it.)

_I'll be home for Christmas,_

_You can count on me._

_Please have snow and mistletoe,_

_And presents by the tree._

--

Every Christmas since he'd been in Orochimaru's company had been less than pleasant. He would wake up Christmas Day, expecting a loud blond to be snoring on the couch, Kakashi to be reading in the armchair and Sakura's breakfast smells wafting into his nose.

He would be met with the cold, dreary silence of his room and he would even feel

(_guilty_)

disappointed.

His day would continue on like normal. Breakfast – nothing like Sakura's, just a simple apple or pear – training, lunch, more training, dinner, a shower, then bed.

As he would lie in bed, staring at the ceiling (there were no windows underground, obviously), a cold feeling would clench in his gut. It would slowly creep up on him, wrapping around his heart, squeezing until he was gasping for breath, until he was trying desperately to hold back the burning in his eyes. It was possibly one of the only days of the year he would feel guilty. Where he would ponder going back to his (ex)friends to spend Christmas like they always did.

_Christmas Eve will find you,_

_Where the love light gleams._

_I'll be home for Christmas-_

_But only in my dreams._

Then he would feel his eyelids grow heavy. His limbs would relax, and he would sleep.

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In his sleep, he would return. It would be deafeningly silent, and suddenly something would cause him to wake.

"**Morning, Sasuke-kun. Happy Christmas." Dream-Kakashi's eye would crinkle fondly as he watched Sasuke untangle himself from his bedroll, glancing around. **

"**It's MERRY Christmas, Kakashi-sensei! Not **_**Happy**_** Christmas!" Dream-Naruto would whine from by the tree, having been trying to figure out what one of the boxes withheld. Sasuke would roll his eyes, a smile crossing his features. **

**This is what he looked forward to.**

"**Mer-…Happy Christmas, Kakashi-sensei," he would chuckle, cracking his neck and heading for the kitchen as Dream-Naruto grumbled. **

"**You all suck."**

**In the kitchen, Sasuke would pause to admire Dream-Sakura dancing around, his mother's apron protecting her shirtfront as she flipped pancakes. For a fleeting moment, he would wonder if she would be inheriting that in the future. With a small shake of his head, he would go over, peering down at the table to see loads of food decorating the top. She would finally notice him, blush, and tug unsurely at the apron's hem. "I hope you don't mind, Sasuke-kun, I-…"**

"**I don't mind." In a seemingly good mood, he would give her a small smile. She would return it brightly. Dream-Naruto would burst in, practically having a seizure.**

"**Can we open presents now?!"**

**They would get plates of food, migrate into the living room, and begin the exchange. Sasuke would have even gotten them gifts.**

**And before he would wake up, he always would think:**

"**This is how it should be." **

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_I'll be home for Christmas,_

_You can count on me._

_Please have some snow and mistletoe,_

_And presents by the tree._

_Christmas Eve will find me,_

_When the love light gleams._

_I'll be home for Christmas,_

_If only in my dreams._

And the day after Christmas, he would always disappear. Neither Orochimaru nor Kabuto would know where he went. They couldn't know. But when he returned, hours later, he always seemed a bit….happier.

(_less guilty_)

He wouldn't have to wonder whether his friends still missed him. The tree set up in his old home, and the three boxes under the tree's sweeping pine needles was enough proof.

And when all three old teammates woke that morning to find the carefully wrapped gift at the foot of their beds, he would know that they knew he cared, as well.

And that maybe someday, it wouldn't just be a dream.

_(If only in my dreams.)_

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**Sasuke totes cares. We all know it. :)**** The song is 'I'll be Home For Christmas', the Michael Buble version. Oh, and just because I say so, ninjas totally celebrate Christmas. :p **

**Hope you liked it, everyone~ **

_**Lots of love and happy holidays!!!**_


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